Revealing your needs...

Hey, my love, welcome to my audio blog “Simply Real,” where I share my personal experiences and the things I have learnt over the years that support my growth. I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I hope at least some of my shares will help you, too.

I've decided to create audio versions of these blogs as I know you're busy and sometimes listening is so much easier. You can access the full audio version of this blog by clicking on the video link at the bottom of this page.

How are you doing? Is January treating you well?

Are you finding time to nurture yourself, or have you been thrown back into a fast-paced life full of action and demands which are simply out of harmony with your emotional needs?

If you feel you’re in the latter state, this blog may help.

Today, I want to remind you of the importance of recognising whether your emotional needs are being met and the signs that they may not be.

As I’m sure you’re aware, your basic emotional needs include a sense of positive connection with others and feeling safe, seen, heard, and understood. However, these needs also fall into various other underlying categories, including:

• Being acknowledged and recognised for your output or achievements.

• Being encouraged or praised by someone whom you respect or trust.

Or simply put: being witnessed.

Obviously, there are many more underlying human needs than those included in this short list, but this share is based on a long session I had with my therapist last week, during which she helped me understand that I had been neglecting my need to be witnessed.

Now, this is a funny one, and at first glance, it can feel a little self-indulgent, but in reality, it is human nature to want to be seen and acknowledged for our achievements or perhaps our acts of kindness.  To be praised and congratulated on our growth or for meeting our desired goals.

This is the basis for most therapy, mentoring, or coaching, as the exchange of recognition is highly motivating. Without this feedback, many of us will begin to feel unsatisfied or empty.

Our dissatisfaction, or the hole left by remaining unacknowledged, may then lead to behaviours in which we overextend ourselves or people-please in the hope that, at some stage, someone WILL notice us.  Unfortunately, this ongoing, often extreme output comes at our detriment, negatively affecting our physical and emotional well-being until there is nothing left to give.

Toward the end of last year, this reality had gone entirely unnoticed by me, even though the signs were there, subtle at first: an inability to surrender to complete rest, a mind resisting relaxation, and a body that was tense and beginning to ache.  The final straw, however, was a moment when my capacity for patience, kindness, and understanding ran dry.  There was nothing left in my tank to give aside from a defensive, self-centred version of myself that came to the forefront in an expression of frustration.

As you can imagine, this interaction left me feeling devastated, but it has also helped me understand a vital lesson: I have needs, too, and one of my primary needs was not being met.

I have spent decades learning about self-love, and I have been teaching self-awareness for over seven years, yet I had begun to deny myself the same level of care.  Why? Well, this was a question that required me to dig deep, but after some internal investigation, I had a realisation.

I had begun to feel that no one was reflecting back to me what I needed to hear:

That I was doing enough (or, if we’re going properly deep, that I am enough).

It’s really tricky for us to observe ourselves, and therefore, if we are a progressive type of person, which I know you are, it's essential to find someone to be our “Watcher”.  An individual who knows us inside and out, someone who will observe our emotional state and recognise when we’re not quite ourselves and whom we can trust to be honest with their feedback.

For me, this person was always my mum.  She was the one who used to remind me not to overdo it. She was the voice of reason who would encourage me to take care of myself, and would also recognise the signs when I was not quite 100%.  She knew that when I was agitated or behaving in a particular way, what I needed was her direct reminders.  Due to her passing, and without her regular interactions and phone calls,  I had dropped back into a very old habit, a wounded version of myself who overextended due to an unmet need to be witnessed.

What a lightbulb moment!

I discussed this issue with my husband recently, and he reminded me that Vincent Van Gogh mutilated his own ear due to his desire to be acknowledged and witnessed for his artistic pursuits, so this is proof that things can get dark when our human needs are not met.

Now I’m not planning on cutting any of my body parts off (obvs!), but what I am doing is giving myself time to process all of this.  All healing, in my opinion, is simply acknowledging an unhealthy behaviour, looking at it, feeling into it, understanding its root cause, the initial wound and then choosing to change that behaviour - to let it go.

All wounds begin with a sense of not being loved, so the first and essential step if you are expressing an unhealthy behaviour is to be honest with yourself about its existence, and about how you’re feeling.  You also need to locate the real reason that you’re not feeling as good as you know that you can, and connect that reason to an unmet need, as that is what it will be.

The second and equally important step is to avoid judging yourself.

I know that it’s OK to want recognition; it's perfectly natural to enjoy praise and acknowledgement from those around us.  We are community creatures, and we thrive in conditions where we feel seen, heard, and loved.

When we have a sense that one of our needs is not being met, we may express ourselves in various ways, such as anger, impatience, or frustration, or we may self-isolate and retreat from the world.  We will also eventually become emotionally and physically out of balance, leading to all kinds of mental and physical conditions such as depression, anxiety, an inability to rest or extreme ongoing fatigue.

At the end of the day, it all comes back to our own ability to be self-aware.  To learn to take care of ourselves and find gentle, loving ways to support and satisfy our basic human needs.  So if you’re beginning to feel physically exhausted regardless of how much downtime you get, if you’re starting to become agitated or frustrated by the small stuff, perhaps it’s time for you also go inward and ask yourself:

• Are my emotional needs being met by those around me?

• When I behave out of character, does anyone recognise this and offer me support?

• Do I feel ignored or do I feel seen, heard, and understood by the people in my orbit?

The answers to these questions may surprise you, but rest assured that this internal investigation can lead to many insights, all of which will, in one way or another, help you to become aware of the importance of fulfilling your own needs and finding new, gentle and nurturing ways to do this.

The reality is that we all need people around us whom we trust and who will ask us, “Are you OK - you seem a little off - do you need anything?” This statement alone can bring so much comfort, reassuring us that we are being noticed and that our needs are important.  But it’s also our responsibility to be self-aware and to learn to reach out and ask for help, which is not always easy and something I admit I struggle with too.

So this will be the topic of discussion in my end-of-month blog dropping on the 30th of January, and it’s going to be another thought-provoking and personal share.

I’m always here if you fancy delving deeper into the subject of “Meeting your emotional needs” in a non-judgmental, real-life, authentic way via my Intuitive 1:1 Talk Therapy Sessions, which can be carried out face-to-face in my beautiful Brighton studio or via Zoom.

Until next time - I’m sending you all of my love as always

Georgina xxxx

To listen to the full audio version of this blog, just click on the image below...

If you'd like more details about my gentle and supportive 1:1 Intuitive Talk Therapy Sessions or my super powerful Quantum Healing Hypnosis (QHHT) Sessions, click on the button below, which will take you to my website:

My Offerings